As author Leo Tolstoy noted, “All happy families resemble one another; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” A mother may not be comfortable stating her wishes in writing, or discussing them with all her children and her spouse. A family member may be reluctant to execute advance health care directives, or to take an active role in directing his care even while mentally competent. A daughter may bitterly resent what she sees as an unfair proportion of responsibility for caring for elderly parents. A son may oppose any form of “pulling the plug.” The possibilities for loud, long, drawn-out high stakes arguments are endless.

Whether decisions are made in a hospital, assisted living facility, nursing home, the elder citizen’s or relative’s home, disputes are often an inevitable outcome. Family disputes may interfere with the care and treatment of vulnerable family members. Furthermore, family disputes may preclude the elder family member from having his or her wishes honored.

It is not uncommon for staff or security to break up family fights about treatment, discharge, and after-care strategies for an aging parent, or continuing treatment despite the written provisions of a Living Will. These emotionally charged arguments may become more of a problem than case managers, care providers, and patient liaisons want to handle. Mediation is an ideal process for resolving elder care disputes. I will help you sort out the issues – without discussions deteriorating into an emotional free-for-all or the airing of grievances dating back to childhood—discuss everybody’s stake and determine the best outcome for the elder, family, and care givers.